Masturbation is not a topic that many want to talk about due to the tremendous shame and guilt that are associated with it. Secular medical authorities nowadays universally proclaim that masturbation is physiologically harmless and should be considered a normal, natural form of sexual release. Psychologists tell us that the guilt and shame that so many battle following masturbatory behavior is completely unneccessary, the result of an individual’s strict, legalistic, religious upbringing and Victorian prudishness about sex. Liberal theologians assert that the Bible is silent on this subject and to call it sexual immorality is to create false guilt and and a sense of condemnation. Despite the many reassurances from modern day experts to those who are helplessly trapped in the tenacious habit of masturbation, their consciences still rebuke them about its sinfulness. The problem is further compounded by those, including the church, who convey stern warnings and critical, judgmental attitudes, but offer no compassion and little practical help. This quite often is the reason that compulsive masturbation goes unresolved for many years, perhaps as a "secret" sin until they are finaly exposed or are compelled by their incessant guilt to make a full confession to their wife, fellow-Christian, counselor, or pastor. Many married men admit to masturbating surprisingly often, even when they also claim to be enjoying a happy and normal sex life with their partner.

The question in the minds of so many wives who discover their husbands have an addictive masturbation habit is,"Why?" While there is probably no simple anwer, there are some basic reasons for the compulsive behavior.

The fact of the matter is that masturbation is virtually always associated with a lustful thought life. Much of the illicit mental stimulation that generates sinful lust in men comes from Internet pornography. It is currently estimated that 40 million US asults regularly visit Internet pornography websites. 71% of these visitors are male (29% female). A survey conducted at a recent Promise Keepers event revealed that 53% of the men polled admitted to viewing pornography in the last week prior to the conference. Other surveys indicate that 47% of Christian families report that pornography is a major problem in their home. Researchers inform us that 60 % of all website visits are sexual in nature and that sex is now the number one topic that is searched on the Internet. The most frightening statistic of all is that the largest consumer base of Internet pornography are males between the ages of 12 and 17. It would be an understatement, indeed, to state that cybersex is a primary reason for so many men being caught up in compulsive masturbation and sexual addiction. It is precisley because Internet pornography has become so assessible, anonymous, and affordable that the phenomenon of sexual addiction has skyrocketed through the roof.

Pornography, unfortunately, is eveywhere in today’s society. We are inundated with suggestive TV programs and films that are liberally laced with sexual promiscuity and implicit sex . They can be avoided only with diffficulty. Advertisements and a spirit of sensuality barrage the mind constantlly in today’s sexually permissive society severely aggravating the problem of maintaining purity and personal holiness as a Christian. The majority of men who compulsively masturbate admit to using Internet porn, adult magazines, XXX vidoes, and sexual suggestive stories to heighten the pleasure and vicarious enjoyment of sex. The allurement of this type of illicit sex is that the consumer can push the envelope of his forbidden erotic fantasies without the fear of repercussions. He can instantly have sex with anyone of his choosing without the intimate, emotional bonds that are normally required of a real-life partner. This type of sex becomes the ultimate safe method where rejection is no longer a factor. All imposed constraints of everyday society are removed so that he can uninhibitedly indulge himself in whatever fantasy he desires.

Acting-out online is "high octane" sex that intensifies the sensual/orgasmic experience. Those who have become sexually addicted often report that it is very similar to a drug-induced "high". Interestingly, researchers are now discovering that this is exactly what is occurring in the brain. When the brain is stimulated by highly erotic visual images, neurotransmitters such as serotonin, dopamine, norepinephrine, and phenylethylamine are released that sexually supercharge the body into a heightened state of sexual arousal. Dopamine, nicknamed the "pleasure chemical", produces a "high" as does phenylethylamine, the "love molecule", which is closely related in molelcular structure to amphetamines. Over time, the porn user’s brain becomes addicted to this cocktail of chemicals creating a physiological demand. Like any mind or mood altering drug, a tolerance effect eventually takes place requiring that the frequency of masturbation increase along with the intensity of the pornographic material. Sexual fantasies become more elaborate, perverse, and degraded in order to achieve the same level of sexual intensity.

Normal sexual relations with one’s partner are virtually ruined by compulsive masturbation with porn in a number of ways. One obvious problem concerns the husband’s time, energy, and attention that are solely devoted to self-gratification and the neglect of his wife. Intercourse with his her is considered dull, routine, and boring when compared to the sensational sex he can experiences online. Relations with her pale in comparison to high of cybersex. Because he is meeting his sexual desires illicitly, there is little or nothing left for her in the bedroom. He is completely satiated.

The friction of using his own hand or some other object to masturbate to the point of orgasm eventually conditions him to that level of stimulation. In other words, this kind of conditioning makes it less likely that he will be stimulated by vaginal intercourse. Men who devolve into this pattern of behavior inevitably begin to experience sexual frustration when they engage in intercourse with their wives.

The visual fantasies that he uses to masturbate with eventually become the expectations he has of her. Most women report that they are disgusted by these fantasies and feel that they are nothing more than legal "whores" who are degraded when pressured by their husband to reenact them for his sexual benefit.

Sexual addicts often admit that compulsive masturbation becomes a means of "self-medicating" when they feel stressed, worried, or angry. Rather communicating with his wife and working through the troubling issues, he resorts to the artificial substitute of masturbation for relief and comfort. As a result, she is emotionally left out of his life and the marriage suffers.

Men must come to the place where they realize that God intended for sex to be enjoyed exclusively in the context of marriage between a husband and wife. The apostle Paul teaches in Ephesians 5:31-32 that this sacred union is like the relationship of Christ to the church. Ultimately, this means that any sexual activity in the context of marriage that is selfish is not Christ-like in nature. Lust-filled masturbation is precisely that. The painful irony is that this kind of behavior will never fulfill and satisfy a man’s deepest needs. It will always fall woefully short of the of the incredibly satisfying physical, emotional, and spiritual union that can occur between a husband and wife.

If you are seeking to end your struggle with chronic, addictive masturbation, remember that you are not alone.Your struggle is something that many men have faced. Let me encourage you to do two things: Find fellowship with other men with whom you can be honest with about your thoughts, feelings, and behavior. Take a risk and be vulnerable. If you are married, work on your emotional and spiritual intimacy with your wife. You don’t need to be explicit with her about your fantasies or masturbation habit, but you do need to tell her about the intensity of your struggle, how much you love her, and how much you need her. Step out and experience the freedom and victory that are your in Christ!