Parents all across the nation are reeling from the discovery that their teenage sons are hooked on cyberporn. This ugly reality is clearly understandable in light of the fact that males between the ages of 12 and 17 are the largest consumers of Internet porn. Mothers and fathers are sickened to learn that their child's compulsive acting-out has become a primary coping strategy for dealing with emotional pain, anxiety, and boredom. They are outraged to discover that cyberporn is indoctrinating their sons with ungodly and corrupt ideas about women, sex, marriage, and children.

Even more disturbing is the fact that there has been a dramatic increase in the number of women who are addicted to cyberporn.¹⁰ Historically, women have been more prone to indulge their fantasies with romance novels or chat rooms. This is still somewhat the case, but it is rapidly changing. Culture is rewiring women to be more visual and to act-out in direct ways. A recent survey indicates that 34% of church attending women report that they intentionally visited porn websites on-line.¹¹

The fact is that Internet porn is no longer a "guy thing." Women are stepping out of the shadows and admitting that they, too, struggle with sexual addiction. Many clinical professionals wrongly assume that the problem most women present with is sexual disinterest. One woman who was attending an intensive workshop for female sex addicts illustrates this misconception.¹² She arrived early at the meeting and sat quietly off to herself as others came in. But, as each successive woman entered the room her eyes grew wider and wider. Soon tears were flowing down her face. Before the leader could even begin introducing the staff, this woman stood up, addressed the other women and exclaimed, "For years I thought I was the only female who struggled like this. I can't believe I'm in a room with a dozen other women who admit to being sex addicts! Nobody talks about this sexual stuff going on with women. For the first time in my life, tonight I don't feel all alone. Here, I belong."

One reason for the myth that females don't struggle with sexual addiction is because they fail to talk about their struggle. Fear of being alone in their behavior keeps many women silent about their addiction. Even women in recovery are rarely open about their history. The enormous shame that still surrounds sex addiction, in general, and the even greater stigma which is applied to female addicts, maintains the silence and contributes to the misconception that women are immune from this problem.

If the church and society are to be healed from sexual sin, the church, which has traditionally been silent about sex, must begin talking about the problem. We must realize that thousands of Christians are hopelessly trapped in sexual sin. They are addicted and unable to stop. The church must wake up and take decisive action. Today, if anyone says in a social setting , "I'm a recovering alcoholic," many would respond with, "Good for you. You've admitted you have a problem. You are doing something about it. You're getting help." We have an element of respect for someone who admits to being a recovering alcoholic. But, if they say, "I'm a recovering sex addict," there is very little understanding or empathy. The typical response is one of disgust, revulsion, and judgment. Tragically, the one trapped in sexual sin is often prevented from dealing effectively with their problem and becomes further entrapped in living a double-life. The church must become a safe place to talk about the struggle with sexual sin and willing to demonstrate grace that facilitates healing. We can no longer afford to shoot our wounded.

Internet pornography has earned itself the reputation for being the crack cocaine of sexual addiction. It works quickly and provides an adrenalized, intense high much like the effects of amphetamine drugs. Like any `high' the body will crave another hit. The result is a pattern of addiction and escalation. Soft-core pictures soon become boring leading to a pursuit of something more intense and enticing. The escalation process typically involves four basic steps.¹³

Addiction - You keep coming back to porn. It becomes a regular part of your life. You're hooked and can't quit.
Escalation - You start looking for more graphic pornography. You start using porn that disgusted you earlier, but is now enticing to you.
Desensitization - You begin feeling numb towards the images you see. Even the most graphic porn is no longer arousing. You become desperate to feel the same thrill again, but you can't find it.
Acting-out sexually - This is the point that you make a critical jump and start acting-out the images you have seen and rehearsed in your mind.

10. Killam, J.M., Cybersex Temptation: An Interview with Dr. Mark Laaser (2000), www.ChristianityToday.com
11. Internet Pornography Statistics (2004). Internet Filter Review. www.internetfilterreview.com
12. Ferree, M., Females and Sex Addiction: Myths and Diagnostic Applications, (2001). Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity, 8:287-300.
13. Hosley, R., Watters, S., Dangers and Disappointments of Pornography (2004). www.pureintimacy.org