Our natural tendency is to respond to fear by trying to avoid exposure, by hiding our sin. Adam and Eve attempted to hide from God as soon as they sinned and we are no different. Satan, our enemy, plays on that tendency using a variety of lies to persuade us to cover our sin with secrecy. Some of the common lies he uses include:

• "They won't understand."
• "They'll judge me."
• "They can't help me anyhow."
• "They don't know what it's like to be me."
• "The can't handle the truth-it will hurt them too deeply."

If you believe the lies, you will likely withdraw and disconnect from God and others around you. The truth is you cannot afford to be cut off from these potential sources of help. The adversary prowls around like a "roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour" (I Peter 5:8). When you allow yourself to be isolated, you become the weak gazelle that gets separated from the rest of the herd and eventually gets eaten for lunch by the lion. The secrecy must be broken. Regardless of your situation, it is best to break secrecy by confiding in someone you trust and who is a mature Christian. Obviously, some people are better able to handle the disclosure of your sin than others. If you are married, you have another major decision to consider. At some point, you will need to tell your spouse about your struggle. Because sexual sin can be devastating to a marriage, I urge caution and prayerful preparation prior to sharing with your spouse. Don't ever think you will get free and never have to tell your spouse about your former life. Since you are one with her/him in body and spirit, you cannot afford to keep this truth from them. Withholding your secret struggle is tantamount to harboring lies. Sharing the whole truth will be essential for the rebuilding of your emotional intimacy and physical relationship. If you have previously told a trusted friend about your situation, they can cover you in prayer when you sense it is God's timing to tell your spouse.

Accountability relationships can be an excellent vehicle to break secrecy and encourage one another to daily walk with Christ. The term "accountability" refers to a non-performance, loving relationship (same sex) between Christians that is meant to mutually encourage and strengthen each other in their pursuit of God. These relationships can exist in a one-on-one or in a small group (3-5 persons) format. (CrossPoint Community Church currently hosts an accountability/support group for men through the Celebrate Recovery ministry.) Ideally the persons involved should meet periodically throughout each month to stay in tune with how things are going with those in the group. If a person falls into sin, the relationship should not be in jeopardy. The accountability relationship provides a safety net to help get us back on track and keep walking with Christ.

The Bible discusses the importance of removing "detestable" objects from your home in several passages. For example, God instructed the Israelites, "Do not bring a detestable thing into your house or you, like it, will be set apart for destruction. Utterly abhor and detest it, for it is set apart for destruction" (Deuteronomy 7:26-also see 2 Kings 23:24; Deuteronomy 13:17; Joshua 6:18; Joshua 7:1). These warnings were for good reason. He did not want his people to experience the unpleasant consequences associated with those objects. Modern day examples of detestable objects include pornography in all its forms. God wants you to have nothing to do with these things because they are forms of idolatry. He jealously yearns for your total devotion. Keeping these things in your home dishonors God, creates a potential snare for sin, and gives the enemy an open door to attack you. The sensible thing to do is to purge your home of all detestable objects that you know of and/or God reveals to you. The following are house-cleaning suggestions.¹⁶

Change you computer setup:

• Change internet access and e-mail accounts to a filtered internet provider and have a friend install and keep custody of the password.
• Install a content filter and have a friend install and keep custody of the password.
• Move your computer into an open location.
• Keep the door open while you are surfing the net.
• Don't surf the net alone.
• Purge your computer files of all porn images/programs.
• Erase all porn sites from your "favorites" folder in your internet browser.
• Delete all cookie files.
• Disable "cookie file" use on your web browser.
• Run a clean-up program to ensure all internet clutter is gone.
• Install a pop-up ad blocking program.
• Install a text-only browser (like Lynx) if search engine pictures are causing you to fall into temptation.
• Minimize open searches on search engines-use a Christian search engine if possible.
• Stay away from personal ads and chat rooms.
• Do not open e-mail unless you personally know who sent it.
• Destroy e-mails, pictures, etc. associated with past sexual sin.

Other house-cleaning suggestions (movies, videos, magazines):¹⁷

• Destroy any porn literature that you have.
• Destroy magazines that are sources of temptation.
• Cancel subscriptions to any mailing list that produces material that causes temptation.
• Cancel your cable TV service or at least downsize it to exclude channels that offer porn or sexually explicit entertainment (ex. HBO, Cinemax, MTV).
• Don't stay up late watching TV alone.
• Don't channel surf.
• Consider shredding you movie rental card.
• Refuse to watch `R' rated movies.
• Read Christian movie reviews (like Plugged In Online) before going to see a movie.
• Destroy porn and other sexually explicit videos.

16. Clean House (1999) www.porn-free.org
17. Ibid.