Resources For Marriages In Trouble - Wisdom for Living Ministries

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Resources For Marriages In Trouble

1/30/2005

A Lasting Promise: A Christian Guide to Fighting for Your Marriage - by Scott Stanley, Daniel Trathen, Savanna McCain, & Milt Bryan. This book is highly recommended by Gary Smalley as being one of the best books he's found to help married couples. It's based on sound research that shows why married couples separate and how to help them stay together in a loving way. The data from this research differentiates those who do well over time from those who don't with 80-91% accuracy up to 12 years later. This book focuses on practical action and gives solid tools couples can use to make their marriage stronger, happier, and lifelong. The techniques in this book are for any couple-from the newly engaged to long-time married couples who want to solve problems or prevent them. (Published in 1998 by Jossey Bass Publishers, ISBN 0-7879-3983-8)
An Affair of the Mind: One Woman's Courageous Battle to Salvage Her Family from the Devastation of Pornography - by Laurie Hall. This book is about one woman's courageous battle to salvage her family from the devastating effects of pornography. The author, Laurie candidly confronts the evil realities and downward spiral of pornography addiction. She tells the nightmare that nearly destroyed her family, warns others of porn's seductive, addictive nature, discusses the aspect of 'de-junking your conscience', imparts keen insights and comfort to pornography victims, and gives information on resources & organizations that can help those who need further help. (Published in 1996 by Tyndale /Focus on the Family)
Because I Said Forever: Embracing Hope in an Imperfect Marriage - by Heather Kopp & Deb Kalmbach. This book is a favorite for many women because it is addressed specifically to women. It's a compilation of true testimonies on various subjects of marriage lived out by different women who have and are living through some really tough situations but have experienced real victory through God’s grace. The authors have done an excellent job of "applying biblical principles to the challenging issues involved in a difficult marriage". Women who read this book will "understand how doing things God's way brings fulfillment and peace, regardless of the circumstances". Too often divorce becomes the prime option considered when marriage becomes really tough. The great thing about this book is it gives the readers some different biblically-based options to consider. As one of the authors, Deb Kalmbach points out, "Although the church discourages divorce, a recent study by George Barna indicates that Christian marriages don't fail as often as secular marriage - they fail more!" She goes on to say, "I believe one reason is that too often the Christian wife who finds herself in a hard marriage imagines she has only two courses: gutting it out miserably but putting on a happy face or leaving the marriage feeling guilty and condemned. This book says there's another way. The reflections you read here will affirm your decision to stay in your marriage. But they will also offer you encouragement and help for moving beyond simply enduring a bad marriage. You'll discover that it is possible to be personally fulfilled even if your marriage is not fulfilling. It is possible to discover joy, to find the support you need, to thrive in your spiritual life and Christian walk, and to turn your challenges into opportunities for personal and spiritual growth." (Published in 2001 by Multnomah Publishers, www.multnomahbooks.com, ISBN 1-57673-852-3)
Before A Bad Goodbye - by Dr Tim Clinton. This book is especially for couples at the breaking point, showing that there's a third choice outside of divorce or a marriage: reconciliation. Dr Clinton is a licensed marriage & family therapist, an ordained minister & president of the American Association of Christian Counseling. This book is excellent if you're trying to reclaim a love that has nearly slipped through your fingers. It has spiritual encouragements, cognitive tools, and practical behavioral suggestions. It teaches you how to build (or rebuild) a foundation one brick at a time and is "must-reading" for a divorce-minded culture." (Published in 1999 by Word Publishing, ISBN0-8499-3743-4)
Fighting for Your Marriage: Positive Steps for Preventing Divorce and Preserving a Lasting Love - by Howard Markman, Scott Stanley, & Susan Blumberg. This is a "down-to-earth, user-friendly, occasionally humorous advice to couples engaged in the emotional taffy pull of living together." This book helps you and your partner learn to master the skills that can prevent marital distress and divorce. Such skills as listening without criticizing or interrupting, setting ground rules for discussions, and scheduling meetings to talk about issues calmly are discussed in this helpful book. (Published in 1994 by Jossey -Bass Publishers, ISBN 0-7879-0280-2)
Heal Your Past and Change Your Marriage - by Paul & Kristina McGuire. This unique, powerful book written by a couple who experienced years of misery due to their past "baggage" can improve your marriage and possibly even save it! Live out the spiritual principles in this book and work through the steps to emotional healing. Work on the issues of communication, sex, romance, affair prevention, falling in love again, and many other important problems that trouble marriages. (Published in 2000 by Creation House Publications, http://www.creationhouse.com/ ISBN 0-88419-689-5)
High-Maintenance Relationships - Dr Les Parrott. Alhough this book is written for a variety of high-maintenance relationships (boss, neighbor, friend, relative), it is an excellent resource for those who are married to a spouse who manifests these characteristics. Different personalities are dealt with such as the Critic, Martyr, Wet Blanket, Steamroller, Gossip, Control Freak, Backstabber, Cold Shoulder, Green-eyed Monster, Volcano, Sponge, Competitor, Workhorse, Flirt, and the Chameleon. Each chapter not only describes the difficult types of personalities and how to recognize them, but it also gives solid advice on how to understand and lovingly deal with them. (Published in 1996 by Tyndale House Publishers, ISBN 0-8423-1466-0)
Hope for the Separated: Wounded Marriages Can Be Healed - by Gary Chapman. If you're currently separated, you may not feel like reconciling. You may not see any hope for a reunion. Dr. Chapman explains a number of small, simple steps that will help you start the reconciliation process with your mate. He deals with the question of dating while separated, relating to your children during the separation, and various ways to improve communication. Assignments are given to encourage growth both as individuals and as a couple. It's a practical book for both the separated husband and wife. (Published in 1982 by Moody Press, ISBN 0-8024-3636-6)
Love Busters: Overcoming Habits That Destroy Romantic Love - by Willard Harley. This book wonderfully addresses the following questions: Are you losing the "chemistry" you once had? Is sex becoming a burden? Do you bring out the worst in each other? Are you arguing a lot more lately? Are you growing apart? With the help of this insightful book you and your spouse can learn to avoid the six most common "Love Busters" that destroy marriages: selfish demands, annoying habits, angry outbursts, disrespectful judgments, independent behavior, and dishonesty. (Published in 2002 by Fleming Revell , ISBN 0-8007-1807-0)
Loving Solutions: Overcoming Barriers in Your Marriage - By Gary Chapman. Dr Chapman offers loving solutions to the most complicated and stubborn marital problems: the irresponsible spouse, workaholic spouse, the controlling spouse, the uncommunicative spouse, the verbally abusive spouse, the physically abusive spouse, the sexually abused/abusive spouse, the unfaithful spouse, the alcoholic/drug-abusing spouse, and the depressed spouse. There's also a chapter entitled "An Honest Look at Divorce" which is excellent "must read"! (Published in 1998 by Northfield Publishing, ISBN 1-881273-25-3)
Marriage Builders This web site has so many wonderful helps for those who are experiencing trouble in their marriages. You'll find links to hundreds of articles that will guide you through an understanding of how to build and maintain a mutually enjoyable marriage including a huge section on recovery from infidelity. Founded by Willard Harley, PhD, author of "His Needs, Her Needs," Marriage Builders is an organization devoted to helping couples learn how to fall in love and stay in love.
Reconcilable Differences: with Study Guide - by Jim Talley. This book shows why reconciliation is worth the effort and provides practical, biblical advice on how to resolve conflicts and develop a relationship based on mutual love, respect, and trust. As the author says, "The primary goal of reconciliation is to cause those who are angry, bitter, and hostile to be friendly again and bring back harmony, whether they're already separated, divorced, or remarried." (Published in 1991 by Thomas Nelson Publishers, ISBN 0-8407-3196-5)
Retrouvaille (meaning, "rediscovery") This is a program for couples with serious problems who are disillusioned, separated and/or on the brink of divorce. You'll be helped by volunteer couples who have also "been to the brink" - who have experienced serious problems including affairs, alcoholism, gambling, violence, etc. or who have simply fallen out of love - but who have worked their way back. They'll teach you how to fall back in love again and heal your own marriage and make it stronger than ever before. This successful program (85% when both partners work at it) teaches simple techniques of communication and exercises to work on forgiveness, healing, and restoration of trust. The program begins with a weekend and includes 12 follow-up meetings over 3 months. These are not spiritual retreats, sensitivity groups, seminars or social gatherings. There are no counselors and you don't have to say anything in front of anyone else. Couples discuss the topics and practice the skills in private. It has a blank envelope-donation system and is open to couples of all faiths and to the non-religious. To find a program in your area call, 800-470-2230 or you can visit their web site at www.retrouvaille.org
Staying close, Stopping the Natural Drift toward Isolation in Marriage - by Dennis Rainey. Learn how to pull together instead of drifting apart. This book provides a positive, workable strategy for keeping your marriage vital and intimate. Included are proven principles and hands-on exercises such as: understanding the forces that isolate couples, managing your schedules, workloads, roles, and responsibilities without losing sight of each other, allowing for and enjoying individual differences while maintaining unity, building an atmosphere of cooperation by meeting each other more than halfway, growing closer during hard times, and creating a "safe" atmosphere for transparent communication. (Published in 1989 by Word Publishing, ISBN 0-8499-3343-9)
The Marriage Mender: A Couple's Guide for Staying Together - by Drs. Thomas Whiteman & Thomas Bartlett with Randy Petersen. If you're looking for a fresh start this book will give you solution-based tools to begin rebuilding your marriage. It has illustrations and exercises that will teach you how to look to the future of your relationship instead of focusing on the past with its problems. You'll learn how to build emotional safety, communicate more effectively, resolve conflict creatively, fight fairly, and much more. As Stephen Arterburn says, "This book is a great tool for marriages that have everything going for them except the two people in them!" Your marriage is worth saving and The Marriage Mender will show you how. (Published in 1996 by NavPress, ISBN 0-89109-925-5)
The Third Option What is The Third Option? It's an organization based on reconciliation--a new beginning. Most hurting couples will say they've "tried everything" but what they usually mean is they've tried the same things over and over. In this group setting you'll learn new ways to handle old problems. Is this counseling? No. The Third Option isn't counseling. It's an educational and support group where you learn and encourage each other along the way. The third option does recommend that participants seek counseling when appropriate. How does the Third Option differ from counseling? The Third Option is a peer ministry and an educational program. It combines a support group, "sharing" couples and workshops on relationship skills. The Third Option can be both a stepping-stone to counseling and an adjunct to it. How does it differ from weekend experiences? The Third Option is an ON-GOING program which gives couples a "place to go" in crisis or anytime. It works well in conjunction with weekend experiences. What are the workshop topics? There are 14 mini-workshops, which teach relationship skills. The topics are: Handling Anger Constructively, Ending the Blame Game, Understanding Expectations, Dealing with Personality Differences, Breaking the Hurt Cycle, Communication Skills, Redefining the Power Struggle, Childhood Issues and Emotional Baggage, Building a Climate of Respect, How to Fight Fair, Rebuilding Trust and Control Issues.
When Love Dies How To Save A Hopeless Marriage - by Judy Bodmer. This is a refreshing, honest look at one woman's journey to the edge of divorce, her commitment to stay even though she didn't feel like it, and her eventual rediscovery of the love that she thought had died. Some of the subjects she discusses from her own experience are: "You Don't Know How Bad Things Are; You Don't Know My Husband; I Can't Forgive or Forget, I Can't Change the Way I Feel; I had So Many Dreams; I Don't Love Him; We Can't Talk; I Feel So Angry; I Married the Wrong Man; I Don't Want Him to Touch Me; I Don't Feel Loved; and I Just Want to Be Happy". (Published in 1999 by Word Publishing, ISBN 0-8499-3714-0)
When You Can't Say "I Forgive You": Breaking the Bonds of Anger and Hurt - by Dr Grace Ketterman & David Hazard. Licensed physician, Grace Ketterman shares her own shocking story of divorce, shame, and reconciliation. Through her gentle approach, compelling stories, and David's teaching you'll discover the power to make it through the process of forgiveness--past the pain, and anger-toward a true change of heart. (Published in 2000 by NavPress , ISBN 1-57683-037-3)