Wise Counsel: The Secrets of a Great Marriage, Lesson 1
A great marriage is purpose-driven

The primary purpose of marriage is not to . . .

1. Propagate the human race.
2. Legalized sexual relations.
3. A matter of human convenience.

The primary purpose of marriage is companionship. God’s solution for loneliness.

And the Lord God said, "It isn’t good for man to be alone; I will make a companion for him, a helper suited to his needs." Gen. 2:18 (LB)

Companionship is a close, intimate relationship with another in which thoughts, feelings, goals, plans, efforts, and bodies are shared together. Companionship is not based on a contract (a conditional agreement by one party with another involving demands, expectations, negotiating, and bargaining) but a covenant (an agreement or promise made by one party to another on the basis of unconditional love that may be accepted or rejected but not altered). Marriage is a covenant of companionship (i.e. a mutual commitment to permanently live together to take away one another’s loneliness).

God’s purpose demands God’s Plan

His plan is not a 50/50 performance-based relationship but oneness.

""This is it!' Adam exclaimed. 'She is part of my own bone and flesh! Her name is ‘woman’ because she was taken out of man.' This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife in such a way that the two become one person. Now although the man and his wife were both naked, neither of them was embarrassed or ashamed.'" Gen. 2: 24-25 (LB)

Oneness develops when we realize and practice our biblical responsibilities before God. When we fail to recognize and practice those responsibilities the result is isolation.

The Basics of Marital Banking

A deposit is a giving behavior (kindness, love, care, forgiveness, encouragement, gentleness, concern, thoughtfulness, affection) to which a partner attaches a positive value. A withdrawal is a taking behavior (coldness, anger, distance, selfishness, control, rudeness) to which a partner attaches a negative value. When a spouse’s deposits exceed their withdrawals the more secure, stable and healthy the relationship is "in the black." When a spouse’s withdrawals exceed their deposits the more insecure, unstable, and unhealthy the relationship is "in the red." When a negative balance that is maintained for an extended period of time it may result in the relationship account being temporarily closed (i.e. an affair, separation) or permanently closed (i.e. divorce).

Biblical Principle: Sowing and Reaping

"Give and it will be given to you; good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, they will pour into your lap. For whatever measure you deal out to others, it will be dealt to you in return." Luke 6:38 (NASB)

1. Give and you will receive. Before you can expect others to make deposits in your account, you must be willing to make deposits in theirs.
   
   
2. Sow and you will reap. We harvest the kind of crop we plant and proportionally to how much we plant.

"A man will always reap just the kind of crop he sows." Gal. 6:7 (LB)

List the deposits you have made in your spouse’s account recently:

1._________________________

2._________________________

3._________________________

List the withdrawals you have made in your spouse’s account recently:

1._________________________

2._________________________

3._________________________

What is your balance? How does your bank account look? Circle one.

Key Points:

1. Consistent givers have healthy, loving relationships. Takers weaken and destroy their marital relationship.
2. Consistent givers are more likely to receive back the love they give than takers

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