Wise Counsel: The Secrets of a Great Marriage, Lesson 3
The Five Vital Signs of a Healthy Marriage (Part 1)

Is your marriage healthy or unhealthy? Is it growing toward oneness or isolation? To check its status you’ll need to learn how to read your relationship’s five vital signs.

The two most common symptoms of an unhealthy relationship are:

1. Too much distance between partners.
2. Too much control being exerted by one person. When both are present, disaster is inevitable.

Bulldozers push over the boundaries God has set which results in relational damage. Walls are built to protect from further hurt.

"Love doesn’t demand its way." I Cor. 13:5

Are You a Bulldozer? Bulldozers...

• Insist on their way
• Think they’re always right
• Refuse to budge during a disagreement
• See conflict as a win-lose proposition
• Don’t actively listen to understand
• Use put-downs to control
• Is discouraging and non-affirming
• Pushes hard on sensitive issues
• Talks to rather than with the other
• Disrespectful of the other’s opinions, thoughts, desires

Vital Sign #1: Honor is Consistently Shown

For the ancient Greeks, honor called to mind something heavy or weighty. Gold, for example, was something of honor because it was heavy and valuable. Dishonor actually meant light weight mist.

"Honor" - to hold in high esteem; to respect; to consider praiseworthy; of great value and worth.

Read the selected passages below and underline phrases that tell us how we are to honor and respect one another:

"In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat her with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. If you do no treat her as you should, your prayers will not be answered." I Pet. 3:7

"So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." Eph. 5:33

When we honor someone they are valuable to us. That person carries weight. We give them a highly respected position in our lives. We first honor (increase the value of) someone, then we feel a desire to love (do worthwhile things for) the person. Love is honor put into action regardless the cost.

List two ways you show honor to your spouse on a regular basis:
1. _______________________________________
2. _______________________________________

Honor provides us with the power to stay in love.

"Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." Matt. 6:21

When we highly value something or someone (job, car, friend, clothes, etc.) we enjoy taking care so as not to lose or harm it/them.

The feeling of love is simply a reflection of my level of honor for the other person. How do we retrieve lost feelings of love? By choosing to increase the value of that person. Seeing them as having value and worth. Below is a treasure chest. List to the side of the chest the ways you treasure your spouse.

Vital Sign #2: Meaningfully Connected

How do you know if you’re meaningfully connected?

The desire for connection is a basic human need. How do we develop a better connection with our spouse?

• Shared activities
• Intimate conversations
• Shared crises
• Other

Point to Ponder

Your spouse is God’s love-gift to you. When you choose to honor your spouse you strengthen your relational connection.

Verse to Remember

"Love does not seek its own." I Cor. 13:5

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