Wise Counsel: The Secrets of a Great Marriage, Lesson 7
Understanding and Energizing Your Mate

"So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them." Genesis 1:27

Everyone knows that men and women are not the same. Although both share the image of God, they are created male and female. We must understand and appreciate our mate’s unique differences if we are to grow closer.

Differences Between a Husband and Wife

1. Men and women vary in the way they see the world and their roles in it.
   
   

   Men		Women
   See the world as a race, hunt, war.		See the world as a family, a nest, and a place of beauty.
   Their job is to achieve, to produce, and succeed.		Their job is to nurture, to care, and to shelter.
   See themselves as runners, warriors, and providers.		See themselves as settlers, peacemakers, and designers.
   Feel driven to generate, fabricate, and procreate.		Feel driven to relate, associate, and cultivate.
   Often respond in terms of their occupation.		Often respond in terms of their relationships.

   
   
2. Men and women vary in how they talk, in their dialects.
   
   

   Men		Women
   Boys make more action noises and have smaller vocabularies.		Girls are more verbal and have larger vocabularies.
   Men tend to share information with a bent toward problem solving.		Women tend to share feelings with a bent toward drama.
   Men thrive on action.		Women thrive on communication.
   In marriage men desire companionship in recreation, social activities, and church functions no matter how inconvenient the timing.		In marriage women desire to maintain relationships no matter how much time it takes.
   Men prefer facts.		Women prefer feelings.

   
   
3. Men and women vary in understanding their sexuality.
   
   

   Men		Women
   Men see sex primarily as a physical act.		Women see sex primarily as an emotional relationship.
   Sexual attraction begins with the eye gate.		Sexual attraction begins with the ear gate.
   Sexual desire is often impulsive.		Sexual desire is often selective.
   Lust is impersonal (pornography).		Lust is intensely personal (soap opera).
   Men need sex in order to feel loved.		Women need to feel loved in order to have sex.

   
   
4. Men and women vary in the way they handle stress.
   
   

   Men		Women
   Men take time out to be alone no matter who they may hurt in the process.		Women will find time to share their feelings, whether or not their husband will listen.
   Men go away in to their private caves to be alone.		Women’s feelings are like waves in the ocean. The wave builds to a peak then subsides. The ebb and flow is a cleansing process. They feel released and recharged.

   
   The list of male and female differences could go on and on. The point is that we need to understand and appreciate how our spouses see life, approach life, and handle life differently than we do. The better we understand our differences, the more we will appreciate one another’s strengths.

How To Energize Your Mate

Praise energizes (motivates) our mate because it helps meet two of our most basic human needs:

1. Significance - to feel that we matter, that we’re important, that we’re needed.
2. Security - to feel that no matter what happens, we belong to each other.

Praise is like a shot of adrenaline that energizes a person. Think about it. When someone praises you doesn’t it instantly give you a lift and make you feel better about yourself? Long-lasting, "in-love" marriages enjoy a regular dose of five positive praises to one negative. It only takes a few words to praise your mate, only a few seconds of time, but the impact can be enormous.

The opposite of praise is criticism. Criticism drills a hole in you emotions and drains your strength out.

"The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit." Proverbs 18:21

Giving praise and affirmation to our mate brings glory to God according to Romans 15:7: "Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you in order to bring praise to God."

We can give the gift of praise at any time. Don’t worry that your spouse will get tired of being praised. It’s something that we can never get enough of.

Point to Ponder:
Praising our mate’s unique differences brings us closer together.

Verse to Remember:
"The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit." Proverbs 18:2

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